Dear 18-year-old Natalie,
I write to you at a time in your life when you’re about to decide to go and play college basketball in America, a decision you’ve already put off for 12 months because it’s simply too scary, and something you doubt you have ever really wanted. I can tell you that you will question this for many years to come, as you wonder if the life it opened up for you was the one you truly dreamed of living. But, regardless of this, the decision to go to the NCAA Division 1 college of West Virginia University WILL be the decision that sets you on the path for a professional basketball career and oh so very much more.
The exact day your choice becomes real is the 12th of May 2008, the day you sign your National Letter of Intent to attend WVU. This moment is still so vivid today because after somewhat recklessly signing the papers (remember how you didn’t visit any colleges, so you chose the college based on the fact that it had a Walmart in town while others didn’t?) you go and tell Dad, who congratulates you, shakes your hand, and proudly says ‘You will remember this day forever now’.
Mum, however, doesn’t hold back her concern and worry about pursuing basketball. Being a teacher herself, she wants you to have a good education, and her knowledge of the U.S college system is minimal to say the least.
You see, it’s different as I look back now. In 2023 you can play basketball as a full-time professional, and for many years you did exactly that. You were paid to play and live in different countries and make a successful career out of playing sport.
But in 2008, the pathway to full-time professional is still a dirt track. It’s there for some, but not for the majority.
And to be honest with you, despite the advances since this time, people still to this day ask you if you actually get paid to play basketball, and if you also have a “real job”.
And I wish I could tell you that you will get paid somewhat even close to what your male counterparts do, but we still have a way to go yet.
So, back then it was extremely important that you had something else as well as basketball. Mum was smart, because as I write this letter, having retired from being a full-time professional and now approaching the end of my career, I feel this stronger than ever. Basketball won’t and can’t be there forever, and it’s imperative that you put effort into your education, whatever that may look like, in order to have a passion to pursue when you can no longer play.
And as you will soon discover, it will be vital to your entire wellbeing that you have something else in your life other than just basketball, to help balance your mind. The successes and failures of professional sport will rule your entire life if it is the only thing you have.
I know right now you’re questioning if you should go because you didn’t ever really dream of going to college when you were growing up. Your childhood didn’t revolve around basketball; you weren’t basketball mad in the way that you believe successful athletes have to be. In the way that the people who are hungry for this specific goal are. You haven’t had that fire yet.
But you do want to be the best you can be at whatever level you are playing, and that has led to a natural progression upwards. And now that you’ve seen what it will take to play at the next level, WNBL, and now that you’ve decided that is what you want, you have realised it is in your best interest to go to college to get stronger, faster, tougher, better. So yes, it will be challenging and yes, it will be so, so hard, but that is no reason to stay small and hold yourself back. This passion to be your best is why you say yes and why you embark on this adventure.
And challenging it sure is. When you are over there, you will go through the most insane workouts of your life. You will learn to push when you didn’t think you could push any more. You will get yelled at every day of your life. You will get punished. And you will learn discipline. You will learn the effort required to truly give everything, and then learn how to give a little bit more.
And then you will realise it wasn’t all necessarily ‘right’. It wasn’t the best way to do things for your mind or your body. The best was not brought out of you on the court. Your confidence was hacked at every single day, you lost sight of the joy basketball brought you and the strengths you had to give. You end up playing scared, hating game time, hating basketball, and hating your inability to be the player you think you need to be.
You will learn to believe that you do not have the talent to play at that level…because you don’t play for the last 2 years of your college career. You warm the bench. You even refer to your position on the team not as a ‘5’ or a ‘post player’, but as literally ‘on the bench’.
And yet, you still get mentally up for every single game. You will warm up with energy, enthusiasm and butterflies, with the hope that you will get minutes today (and the greater hope that you won’t mess up if you get the chance to play).
And after the game, when all you could do for your team was cheer them on from the bench, you will realise the importance of sacrifice and knowing and performing your role. Of being just one part of a team, all working together to achieve a common goal, and making sure you give whatever you can to help the team achieve that. Which is a very humbling lesson.
It’s no surprise then, that in 4 years from this moment of signing your scholarship, you will walk away from basketball. Well, you’ll gleefully run away as fast as you can to be honest. In this moment, you hate it. And you’ve come to realise there are more important things in life — family, friends, experiences, connections.
But you already believe everything happens for a reason, and you will believe it even more after your college experience. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Because it will. But I’m telling you now, you would do it all again. The lifelong friends you make, the lessons you learn, and the amazing experiences you live far out-weigh all of the darkness and low times.
You certainly wouldn’t be the player you become skills-wise without this experience.
The things you learn both on and off the court will set you up for a long, successful basketball career while also representing your country for 4 amazing years.
Yes, it made you stop playing, but it also started your journey to discovering why you love basketball, and why you will devote 18 plus years of your life to it.
And suddenly somewhere along the way you will find yourself creating and running your own business helping other athletes with their mindset, wellbeing and on-court skills. It will hit you that without those experiences at college and beyond, no matter how painful some of them were, you would not be able to do the work you do now helping and guiding others.
You will see that it was all worth it, of course. It was all leading to this point in your life. It wasn’t ever really about the championships won or the points scored. It was always about the lessons you learnt along the way, about yourself and others. And you had to go through them all, you had to live them and struggle through them, so that you could learn the skills required to help others along their own journeys, no matter what they look like.
You of course don’t fully understand this right now, but I think there is a part of you that already gets it. A part of you that is determined to push through no matter what.
I know that one day you’ll see that you have always had everything you needed to handle whatever happens for you in life. The journey you take from here will make that clear for you.
So, buckle up, stay curious, stay courageous, stay humble and be kind to yourself and others along the way.
It will all come together, everything always does.
And I know it will for whoever is reading this letter, too.
Love always,
Natalie
